july ten twenty seventeen

It’s one of those days,

 

When you’re feeling like everything seems so wrong

Even the people around you

When you’re feeling like you don’t want to move

Even just listening to a conversation

 

I woke up

Already feeling that today’s going to be a tiring day

I did all what I planned to do

And still I feel like I haven’t done enough

 

Talking to him was the cherry on top of my day

He balanced everything just right

 

When I was feeling unsure of myself

He was there to make sure that I am not

When I was feeling affectionate

He was there to catch that feeling

 

I was required to move and feel the music

But I was not feeling the moment

I was supposed to think strategically

But I was just so lost at that moment

 

And now it’s almost 11pm,

 

I just finished eating chicken with herb-lemon cream sauce

I just finished drinking milk to make me fall asleep

I just finished a cigarette to calm my mind

I just finished taking a cold bath to wash off the toxicity of the day

 

Let me just say

That I fucking deserve a rest

It will not take the emptiness and sadness away

But at least I will forget it in some other way

Eto nanaman ako

Pinagiisipan

Kung ikaw nga ba ay susulatan

Di naman kasi yun ang aking pinangako

 

Di parin ba ako susuko?

Tanong sa sarili ng paulitulit

Sa mga panahong hindi ko masulit

Ang pagusapan ang aking puso

 

Ikaw, ano sa tingin mo?

Ang makakapagintindi

Netong pasakit na nananatili?

Nananatili, sa bibig ko…

how do you even react

when you’re all alone

maybe

just

like this

one, by, one, in, spaces, in stops,

because nobody even listens to me

no body

i try to tell them what’s wrong

but all i get is

 

maybe I should just stop

listening to them

maybe I should just stop

acting that I care

maybe I should just stop

living

.

.

.

,

Ang Naiwan Ay Wala

Naranasan mo na ba

Na ika’y mapagiwanan

Hindi dahil siya ay lumayo

Ngunit dahil hindi ka na makasabay

 

Hindi ka makasabay sa daloy ng usapan

Hindi ka makasabay sa yapak ng mga paa

Tipong nakikitawa ka na lang

Dahil hindi mo alam ang pinaguusapan nila

 

Tanging tanong nila ay

“Malungkot ka ba?”

Pero ang maisasagot ko na lang ay

“Di ko na din alam”

 

Dahil ang totoo ay pagod lang ako

At wala na akong magawang iba

Gusto ko na lang ay matulog

Ar mawalan ng pake sa iba

 

Ngunit pag iyon ay aking ginawa

Ako ay tila mawawalan ng isipan

At ako ay napagiiwanan na

Gusto ko na lang ay buhay katapusan

Huwag Na Katotohanan

Mata nati’y nagkatitigan
Tila ba may gusto kang sabihin
At ako ay may gusto ring sabihin
Nagpatuloy ang ating titigan
At dun na nga
Tayo ay nagkaintindihan

Ako’y tumayo, Ika’y tumayo
Ako’y naglakad, Ika’y sumunod
Ako’y pumasok, Ika’y pumasok
Tumigil ang ating mga paa
At ang labi natin at nagtagpo

Sa isang madumi na kwarto
Kung saan nilalabas natin
Ang ating mga kadumihan
Kung saan nilalabas natin
Ang ating mga kagandahan
At kung saan ako’y iyo’y hinawakan

Hinawakan mo ang aking kababaihan
Mabagal, malambot, matamis
Akala ko tuloy ako’y gusto mo
Dahil sabi mo, “masarap…masarap”
Tuluyan na akong namatay

Namatay dahil ika’y nawala
Namatay dahil sa paglamig
NAmatay dahil wala na ang buhay
Ang nagbubuhay
Ang nagpapainit
Sa puso at kababaihan

Ang iyong halik ay di makakalimutan
Ang iyong tingin ay mahirap kalimutin
Ikaw ay hindi ko kakalimutan
Dahil tangina mo,
Iniwan mo ako ngayon

When Others Don’t Want You Happy

I entered the room

Enthusiastic and full of joy

But I got the feeling that I was not welcome

No one greeted me

No one talked to me

No one

And so I thought,

“Maybe they’re just busy.”

But they were not

For they played with their phones

And talked all through out

Without noticing me

And it’s as if I was the bad guy

As if I did something

As if?

So I got confused

For I was good to them—too good

And they were not good to me

Their eyes glared

Their lips smirked

Their mouth, unstoppable

And I was hurt

So hurt everything became miserable

Everything went stumbling down

Everything was swept away

Just because of something

Something that they think I did

Something that they talk about

Something

I Thought So

I thought I would successfully ignore you
But no
I thought wrong

Just one glimpse of you
And my smile just appears
Just one word from you
I wouldn’t stop talking either

I thought I would successfully forget you
But no
I thought wrong

Just one moment with you
And my feelings just blooms
Just one look from you
I couldn’t stop melting

I thought I would never like you
But no
I thought wrong