I am convinced that my eighteenth year was full of things I would like to keep. The memories, the achievements, and the people in it. Everything is worth remembering. Even those moments that broke me apart. It’s worth it because I somehow gained something from it. All those new learnings in life, new perspectives, and new things to believe in.

So here’s a list of things I learned from my eighteenth year in this world and some concrete experiences that I would like to share:

  • Take a risk.

    Whether it’s that new opportunity for your passion or that new possible lover, take a risk to try it. Something new isn’t always bad. Sometimes it’s a way for your improvement in life. I remember feeling scared of taking a huge step of becoming one of the committee heads for the group but I know that I really want to be part of it. I want to try to be a leader since I’ve grown to be a follower instead. Because I know I am capable of it. And so I did and I will continue to improve myself.

  • Confidence is beautiful.

    It’s another thing when you talk about how make-up can make you really pretty, but during my eighteenth year I realized that being confident with yourself and what you are is much more beautiful. Regardless of how tired you look, when you’re confident with what you’re working on. It will work out. All those rushed training hours because of sudden performances, all those rushed projects because of limited time, and all those rushed reviews for an exam, when you’re confident that you will get through it and has exerted enough effort for it, you will finish it with no regrets (siguro, unti lang hehe).

  • Be true to yourself and to others.

    This year, I also realized that being that quiet one will not work out for the rest of your lives. Sometimes you really have to speak out. Tell others what you feel. Tell them what you firmly believe in regardless if it’s not what they want to hear. Tell the people who you love that you love them. Opinions are important in this world full of contradictions and hypocrites. Do whatever you want as long as that’s what you want. If it means calling that guy you hooked up with for a couple of weeks now just because you want another shot, then go for it. Don’t let the thought of them hating you control you. Be true.

  • It’s totally okay to take a rest.

    Especially when you’re feeling too tired the fire in you can’t even light up again. Recharge if you have to even if it means having to sacrifice something important in your life. It was a really hard decision for me to stop dancing for a while (for a semester) because I want to focus on my academics and because I really feel the need to. I remember feeling lost because I was not active and I was training for something but the rest helped me a lot. Now the fire and passion for dancing is back.

  • Open your horizons to new people.

    Don’t limit yourself to your best friends. Sometimes, you definitely need new kinds of people to talk to. You will learn a lot from them. It doesn’t matter how shy you are, some people are extrovert enough to carry a really nice conversation making you remember that person and making you want to be friends with them.

  • Remove the toxic people in your life as soon as you can.

    Don’t let them control your feelings and emotions. As soon as you feel like they’re not good for you, forget them. This is one thing I find hard to do but I know that I should. Forget about them even if it means totally ignoring them even if you pass by each other in a campus so little it’s as if every people you know knows each other as well.

  • Trust and give in only to a few people.

    Because some people will only take advantage of you and your vulnerability. Some people will only use you because you can give them what they want. Some people will forget about you the moment you give them something they can be proud of. Wow lang noh? Hindi ako pang ego booster lang. Gago.

  • Continue to love yourself and don’t forget to keep on empowering yourself and other people.

    Most important of them all—yourself. Take care of yourself, baby girl. By this I mean everything—your health, your emotions, and your relationships with people. Don’t ever forget the reason why you’re still here.


2016: Slowly Finding My Way Out Of That Shell

A lot of people generalized 2016 as the year that let them down because they expected it to be a great year, but it turned out something different. The world was in chaos this year. Everything didn’t turn out what everyone expected it to be. From what happened to the government to the numerous great celebrities that died, it seems like we have the right to really think that 2016 has let us down. But let me start with how my 2016 turned out. Let me just say that it was a messed up year as well but I also had a lot of blessings this year so I shouldn’t be not grateful about it. Here’s what this year taught me:

  1. It’s okay to start at the bottom. It’s alright to be let down by your expectations at first but it’s not an excuse to not try again. This year, I started in the bottom of the dance group that I am in but during the middle of the year I found myself slowly finding the fire in me and I am finally in that place that I’ve always wanted ever since the start. It’s totally okay to start at the bottom because you will have the chance to improve more and that’s just what happened to me.
  2. I can’t believe I’m saying this but, alcohol helps. It really does. This year, I’ve had countless inumans and I don’t regret any of it. Because during those times I was in need of people to talk to, I was in need of company, I was in need of some distraction. And during those times I’ve learned more about the people I was with and who I am. It may be bad to my health (as a dancer) but I find peace whenever my soul is in trouble and I really need to find the answers to my question and drinking with friends it is.
  3. You will find adventure in the unusual places. The thrill that I was looking for, I guess I found it in the most unusual place, with the most unusual person, and doing the most unusual thing.
  4. It’s alright to change to the person you’ve always wanted to become regardless of your past, of what people expect you to be, and what you believe in. I guess because that part of me has always been inside me and it has just been hiding in me for years and now that I have activated that part now I don’t even know how to stop it, and I think I don’t want to stop it. Unless someone wants me to.
  5. This, I learned this the hard way—that I should learn how to keep a secret. Especially things about my private life. Two persons told me that I should know how to not totally telling people what is up with me and to not give them what they want that easily. Well, now that I got the taste of it, I’ve been keeping secrets from people. But not totally, I’m just keeping those things that they don’t need to know about me. Things that will not help in any way. Things that are only important to me and the person involved.
  6. Our world is so little that it’s almost like everyone in the university knows each other that’s why I should be more careful of what I tell to people.
  7. Some people are just meant to be friends with you. There’s someone that I just really gave up on because I suddenly felt like we’re much better as friends even though I feel like there really is something going on between us.
  8. You should know how to speak up because it’s only you and your feelings who will be in danger when you won’t be able to get out what’s in your chest. It’s totally okay to be blunt and frank because that’s when people really learn and will really listen to you. Regardless of how hurtful it is, learn to not be fake about anything, stand to what you believe in. No more hypocrites! Learn how to lose the toxicity in your life, know who are the people who are helpful in your life and those who just make your life difficult and more sad.
  9. There are people who believe in you even though you don’t believe in yourself.

This year has led me to some real shit and has made me feel some good and bad shit. I met the best people, got to know them more, and has spent the best times of my life with them. I met the worst person and I’m ready to get him the fuck out of my life. This year I met a lot of people and I am grateful of that. This year I learned more about myself and I am happy about it. This year has offered me such great opportunities and I’m glad that I took the risk to take it.

2016 taught me a lot which made me make this goal for next year:

Next year, 2017, I will finally learn how to love myself. I will make myself my priority. I will finally be selfish. I will not cry because of a boy. I will not be weak because of a boy. I will put make-up on and just strut my way every single day because this year I will convince myself that I am beautiful. I will convince myself that I more worth it than what I think I already am. I will try my fucking best to reach this goal and hopefully no more of too much expectations from persons. No, I will not wait for someone ever again, they will wait for me this time. This year, people will realize that I am great than what they thought I already am.

Happy New Year!

Here’s to more blog posts next year, I will try. Seriously. Spread love. ♥