EIGHTEENTH

I am convinced that my eighteenth year was full of things I would like to keep. The memories, the achievements, and the people in it. Everything is worth remembering. Even those moments that broke me apart. It’s worth it because I somehow gained something from it. All those new learnings in life, new perspectives, and new things to believe in.

So here’s a list of things I learned from my eighteenth year in this world and some concrete experiences that I would like to share:

  • Take a risk.

    Whether it’s that new opportunity for your passion or that new possible lover, take a risk to try it. Something new isn’t always bad. Sometimes it’s a way for your improvement in life. I remember feeling scared of taking a huge step of becoming one of the committee heads for the group but I know that I really want to be part of it. I want to try to be a leader since I’ve grown to be a follower instead. Because I know I am capable of it. And so I did and I will continue to improve myself.

  • Confidence is beautiful.

    It’s another thing when you talk about how make-up can make you really pretty, but during my eighteenth year I realized that being confident with yourself and what you are is much more beautiful. Regardless of how tired you look, when you’re confident with what you’re working on. It will work out. All those rushed training hours because of sudden performances, all those rushed projects because of limited time, and all those rushed reviews for an exam, when you’re confident that you will get through it and has exerted enough effort for it, you will finish it with no regrets (siguro, unti lang hehe).

  • Be true to yourself and to others.

    This year, I also realized that being that quiet one will not work out for the rest of your lives. Sometimes you really have to speak out. Tell others what you feel. Tell them what you firmly believe in regardless if it’s not what they want to hear. Tell the people who you love that you love them. Opinions are important in this world full of contradictions and hypocrites. Do whatever you want as long as that’s what you want. If it means calling that guy you hooked up with for a couple of weeks now just because you want another shot, then go for it. Don’t let the thought of them hating you control you. Be true.

  • It’s totally okay to take a rest.

    Especially when you’re feeling too tired the fire in you can’t even light up again. Recharge if you have to even if it means having to sacrifice something important in your life. It was a really hard decision for me to stop dancing for a while (for a semester) because I want to focus on my academics and because I really feel the need to. I remember feeling lost because I was not active and I was training for something but the rest helped me a lot. Now the fire and passion for dancing is back.

  • Open your horizons to new people.

    Don’t limit yourself to your best friends. Sometimes, you definitely need new kinds of people to talk to. You will learn a lot from them. It doesn’t matter how shy you are, some people are extrovert enough to carry a really nice conversation making you remember that person and making you want to be friends with them.

  • Remove the toxic people in your life as soon as you can.

    Don’t let them control your feelings and emotions. As soon as you feel like they’re not good for you, forget them. This is one thing I find hard to do but I know that I should. Forget about them even if it means totally ignoring them even if you pass by each other in a campus so little it’s as if every people you know knows each other as well.

  • Trust and give in only to a few people.

    Because some people will only take advantage of you and your vulnerability. Some people will only use you because you can give them what they want. Some people will forget about you the moment you give them something they can be proud of. Wow lang noh? Hindi ako pang ego booster lang. Gago.

  • Continue to love yourself and don’t forget to keep on empowering yourself and other people.

    Most important of them all—yourself. Take care of yourself, baby girl. By this I mean everything—your health, your emotions, and your relationships with people. Don’t ever forget the reason why you’re still here.

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18 and a half years. I have already lived eighteen and almost a half years in this world and I still don’t know where do I really belong. I’m still confused on what do I really want. Am I in a rush? Am I wanting things to happen so quickly? Am I wanting more than I what I already have? I don’t know. What I know is that I can’t stay on one thing. I need new things as much as possible. I need more options in life. I need more. I need more…

Three Things I Did After I Turned Eighteen

It was a big deal for me—turning eighteen—that I wanted something to change. Nothing specific and special but I just really wanted to change something within and out that will make people understand that I am eighteen and is slowly learning how to adult. So, right after I turned eighteen I did some simple things.

I got rid of some of my old clothes (or clothes I don’t want to wear anymore) and piece-by-piece, I am buying new ones. This is a metaphor of me getting rid of my old self and now becoming open to a new horizon and new challenges ahead of me. That I am ready to be a new version of myself—a mature one. Because I don’t want to be that cliché who wants to start anew so I change everything, so I change only what I want to change. I am not that kid who got lost while falling anymore, I’m already that lady who is ready to fight and is brave enough to face what could’ve been and what we will not be.

I bought and learned how to put on make-up. Because I am already in that age that I value what I look like on the outside. Unlike when I was thirteen and I deeply despise girls who wear “too much” make-up because the beauty inside us is what’s more important. Now I aim on making a good impression to every person I meet, it may be a stranger or a new classmate, a new love or a new heartbreak. I just want to be get my game face on every day basically. Because right now, I’m into believing that I am beautiful. Eyebrows on fleek!

I made sure my future is stable. I placed a huge amount of money on my bank account just to be sure for my future. It is for my future. This is what adulting really is, being ready to settle for the future. I know I may be using it for other stuff for the next couple of years but I know for sure that this means that I should already not be always depending on my parents. This time it’s all up to me.

Because of these I started doing things on my own. Depositing the money by myself was one and shopping by myself was the next. It was a challenge, I know, but I initiated it because I wanted to learn because I know that I’ll be dealing with that soon. Well, being alone was not a problem with me, really. It was the decisions to be made while being alone and you got no one to ask about it.

I know these are just small things, definitely for beginners.But I know that there will be more adventures for me as my life goes on. I know that there will be something more up ahead for me. And I am getting ready for it. I will be ready for anything that may come in my way even though I know that any time now I might break down and get tired of life and maybe just give up. But that’s just how life goes. You get older, you get tired, you get motivated, you get disappointed, you give up, but between t It’s a cycle that never ends and I hope that for me, it will not end soon.

18 Things I Learned For 18 Years

If I were to be honest really, I did not expect to be still living up until now. I did not expect to be still here in this world for my eighteenth year. Because considering all the circumstances where in death was already near me, there was a lot. I’m not saying this because I would’ve wanted to die already, but I’m saying this because I’m thankful to have lived a great eighteen years already.

Turning eighteen means that I’m already an adult. It means I should be acting like one and be lady-like. It means I should be independent and be mature. It means I can already do things on my own without the permission of my parents (I doubt that). It means my life is already in my own hands. No one told me this, it just happens that this is what tuning eighteen means based on the social norms in the society we’re living in.

For me, turning eighteen is just like any other birthdays. I really have no formal debut and all that girly stuff because I just really wanted to spend it with my family and friends. That’s one thing that I learned in those seventeen years: I’m that kind of person who puts other people’s happiness first. And that’s where what I lack about comes in. I lack that appreciation of myself. I lack having to think about myself first because I would often think about others first.

Unfortunately, I learned it the hard way.

For a just a turning eighteen girl, I’ve experienced a lot of emotions already. Happiness, sadness, madness, rage. It’s a lot to take in. But the good news is here is that I survived it all. Despite how hard it was, despite how challenging every decision was, and despite how people would react on which path I would choose.

So to celebrate my turning eighteen here in my blog, let me point out eighteen points that I learned in life:

  1. Nothing is permanent in this life we live in. The only thing permanent is you—your existence in this world and it’s all up to you if you will be gone after fourteen years or to live maybe up until your twenties. It’s all up to you.
  2. Do not expect that people will always have your back. At one point in your life, they will leave and is on other peoples back just like that. So to save yourself the hurt, remember to be there for yourself first before being there for other people.
  3. That best friend you thought will be there for the rest of your life will not be there after a few years. Surprisingly, that friend who you didn’t got along with for a lot of years, that friend who was really hard to understand, or that friend who you judged and has judged you, they’re the ones who will stay. Keep those friends.
  4. Being in love sucks.
  5. Killing yourself is not as easy as when you think about it.
  6. Do not strip into your vulnerability to people who doesn’t care at all. You’ll regret it.
  7. Luv u is for happy moments. Love you is for people you really care about. I love you’s are for those people who you are thankful that they’re in your life. Well, it’s for those you really love.
  8. Listening to bands help a lot.
  9. Cry it all out.
  10. People who you can talk to about your problems and rants are important. But remember to not tell it to every people just because you want to. Those rare moments of vulnerability are only for those people who really care about you and at the same time you care about.
  11. Don’t trust people so easily. Even though people might tell you to go and take a risk. Believe me, it takes time to finally realize who the people you really want to trust are.
  12. At least once in your life: be spontaneous!
  13. Writing either relaxes you or triggers your emotions more. But nevertheless, just write. It helps.
  14. Self-confidence is different from self-esteem. Some people may have a high self-confidence but has a low self-esteem.
  15. It’s okay to have a small number of friends.
  16. It’s totally okay to be alone sometimes. You need those moments where in you can think and reflect on your life.
  17. Loneliness can kill you.
  18. Just keep on living until you can…or you can just give up. When it’s hard enough for you to take in, give up and let go. It’s okay. But I can’t assure you that it will be okay.