When change is more consistent than you

I don’t know why but it’s always during this time of the semester–almost at the end, people are becoming busy, and at the same time you have nothing else to do to make you look like you’re busy–that things start to change. I mean by this time, you realize things aren’t the same as they were during the start of the semester.

Just like when this semester was just starting, I was always out. You would always find me with my friends out during the night, probably drinking or just out late at night talking to each other. Then when first exams were just approaching, you would see me with new people. And I find it really hard adjusting to new people, especially when you’re also supposed to get to know a huge number of people. It really took all my energy when I was in that phase of this semester. Ugh, too much exposure to new people just drains the shit out of me. Because by then, I was already spending late nights with them and not with my friends. And these are new people and I’m just the type of person who hates meeting new people because I tend to go with the flow regardless how I hate their character just because we’re not close enough for me to even say that to them.

Then as weeks pass by and it’s as if all of us have used up all our energy, no one asks out for dinner. No one would randomly message you and just talk to you. No one suddenly wants to hang out with you. It’s as if all of the new people I’ve met suddenly forgot about me and I don’t even know why. And that’s why I’m sad about this. It’s because I don’t even know how things became like this and I also don’t know if it’s because of the natural way of the world or it’s just because I wasn’t aware of anything–because of me.

Why is it always like this? Why is it when I was already used to their presence, when I was already well-adjusted, and when I was already face to whatever they want to tell me, that’s when they start to walk away? Walking away is probably not the right term but that’s how I felt. Makes me feel like all my efforts are just nothing. It’s like I’ve wasted time getting to know them, making them like me because I want to get to know them more. In fact, with this action that they’re showing me, they’re giving more than what I’ve already got by just observing them. So much for giving everything.

You know what I got from this? That I don’t want to meet new people. Meeting new people are tiring and just a waste of time and effort. That I don’t want to put effort on anyone anymore. I don’t want to waste any of my anything for another person because I feel like I won’t get it back.

But I know these are all lies. I know that meeting new people is still something to look forward to when you’re with friends, when you’re at an event, or even when you’re just scrolling through social media. Because new people give us new experiences and new experiences give us new lessons in life and that’s a good thing.