Here I am and I don’t know what to do anymore because of all the feelings I am trying to hide inside. It’s as if everything that is wrong with me and my life is piling up one by one and I was not aware of it and now here I am, trying to fix it when it’s already a mess.
So here I am, asking for your help.
Please understand whenever I am not enthusiastic enough to do anything. It may be because I was already energetic hours or days before that moment. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you or be with you because trust me, I want to spend every moment with the people I care about the most.
Please understand that sometimes I don’t want any help. Or maybe always. I don’t know. Maybe because I just really don’t want anyone’s help at the moment. I’m really sorry if ever you’re really happy and I’m just there, not saying a word. I just really don’t want to do anything.
Please understand the fact that I want to make myself busy…for distractions. Remember those days where you would ask me out and all I can say is that I am busy with school works. It is true, I am busy. Busy distracting myself, making my mind think about other things besides being sad. Because I know that when I am about to socialize with people I would not be able to control my emotions and my mind would unconsciously fly somewhere I don’t really want to be in.
I am sad. I am not happy. Sometimes, I feel that I am happy. I just feel sad right now and I don’t know why. I am sad whenever I’m too tired to do anything. I am sad whenever I fake a smile and I would let out a small giggle. I am sad whenever I’m too quiet. I am sad and I don’t know why I am.
So please, understand.