To The Girl Who Doesn’t Know What To Do Anymore

I know that you’re thinking about a lot of things lately. A lot of things that has been in your mind since day one. A lot of things that has been making you crazier each and every day. A lot of things that has destroyed a lot of moments. I know that you’re too busy thinking about things that making yourself happy isn’t even your priority anymore.

You’re that girl who’s easily distracted. So distracted you don’t even know where to begin. You can’t even put into words what you’re feeling. Everything is right in front of you that you don’t even know how to control things like your feelings and actions. Or even how your feelings would affect your actions. It’s all a blur. It’s like you can’t even concentrate on one thing and you need to do other things while doing a thing.

You’re that girl who keeps on asking questions. Questions that has an obvious answer but you’re so anxious that you needed to repeat that question just to be sure that you’re thinking about the same thing. I mean, you’re just making sure of things right? Yet people think you’re not listening enough. That you’re thinking too much. But…maybe they’re right.

You’re that girl who expects a lot from people. Because you’re not that person who initiates a lot, so you expect the people around you to do the thing you’re not good at: approaching. You’re thinking too much that you complicate an “easy” situation, as they may say. And so you expect from them, but sometimes get disappointed for they won’t live up to your expectations all the time.

You’re that girl who isn’t brave enough to be impulsive. A friend of mine once told me to that I should try to be impulsive because it helps especially when you don’t even know how and what to decide. You get jealous of other people because of what they’re experiencing because they’re not afraid of taking risks.

You’re that girl who chooses to stay quiet instead of speaking out. I know it takes a lot of guts just to speak to other people, what more when you’re about to tell them your stand on something that you’re not even sure about because you’re not that kind of person who’s socially aware of things. So you stay quiet. And all your thoughts get all bulked up in your head that any time now it might explode.

Funny how all of these is happening to me right now. This is just me nagging myself. Telling myself all these real shit that’s going on about me because I’m so confused right now. I can’t focus. I’m becoming so indecisive. I’m scared. I get nervous a lot. Maybe it’s just another episode? Yes, it may be. But right now all I can think of is what the fuck.

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