December 10, 2016: To My Future Love

 

Hi. I just suddenly thought of you as I was thinking of what I have been doing with my life. Everything is a mess right now, but I like my mess—I like this kind of mess. It’s been giving me learnings and a whole lot of satisfaction.

You see, I’ve been unfaithful to you. I met a lot of guys this past half of the year. And I’ve been playing with them. Not even thinking of what you’re going to think of me when you learn all about them. I haven’t been a good girl. I have been doing bad things. I have been making bad decisions. I have been bad. And I hope you’re still going to accept me.

You may ask, why? Why was I doing such things? Maybe for fun. Maybe because I just wanted not to be alone. Maybe I wanted to try something different.

But just so you know, no feelings were involved when I get to them. All of it was play and just play. We were just playing, all my heart is still for you. And I hope that someday I will be able to finally feel what having feelings really feels like.

I will love you no matter what I am experiencing right now. Because one of them told me that I should learn to wait, that you will come eventually.

From: Me

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