Ever since that day that I learned that love is a complex thing and it takes the right person for you to be sure that you’re really in love, I haven’t really thought that I love someone. Now, every time I would feel something for someone all I can think about is I just like them and I just really want to be in a relationship.
Love doesn’t become an option anymore.
Now every time I watch movies where in characters would express their love for their partner it becomes cheesy and corny for me. I am convinced that it’s just words and that it’s hard to believe those things when reality comes striking in. Sadly, I am convinced that it’s impossible to even hear those things from someone.
I’m scared. I’m scared that maybe when there’s finally someone who’s worth loving I wouldn’t know how to love, I wouldn’t know how to express my love for them, or that I wouldn’t know that I am even in love. I’m scared because I might be the one who will get hurt and that just sucks. Just because I wasn’t aware of being loved or being in love I would lose that one person who can make me feel things?
Funny that I became like this because I loved too much before. I gave too much of myself to one person. I gave too much love. I gave too much effort. I gave too much energy. And now that I know how being left and giving too much feels, now I’m scared that that might happen again so I’m always denying the feeling of love.
Maybe all I need is someone who will convince me that not all is like that. Someone who will make me feel like loving someone is a pleasant feeling. Someone who will love me as well.