Suddenly, I became numb. There was no more excitement, all I can feel was frustrations, frustrations, and frustrations. I hated the fact that you only gave me attention when you needed me just because you know that I can give you what you want. You know that I’m going to go to you whether or not I’m in the mood or not because I was that pathetic during the last time we talked to each other.
But I am not an easy contender.
I may seem easy but I am difficult inside. I will give you blank stares, dark thoughts, and silent treatment all throughout until you realize you did something wrong. I won’t tell you what’s wrong unless you keep on asking me like the way I asked you if you wanted to meet up and all you gave me were excuses, excuses, and a lot excuses.
If you can play the hard to get game, well I can too.
But you’re just too good at it. It’s as if you know when I’m in my zone that when I’m in my game face you would suddenly stop and be that person I knew the first time we met. And I will fall for it. I will fall for your stupid prank and when you know I lost it, that’s when you’re going back to your zone.
What a mind game this is!
I’m such a fool for believing such words. I’m such a fool for expecting that you will stay the same. I’m such a fool for hoping that you will understand that I am broken.
I am broken, and fragile, and vulnerable. And I think that’s what you missed in this mind puzzle that we’re in.
You didn’t understand the fact that I needed your attention. I needed the guidance. I needed the comfort. I needed those times when I told you I wanted a hug. I needed those moments where I was vulnerable in front of you, in those text messages. I just needed someone to talk to and someone who will understand that even me I can’t understand myself.
I guess it was not you.
It’s been too long—waiting for that someone who will understand the change in mood, the anxiety, the sudden burst of depression when a trigger comes by. And I just thought it was you, just like everybody else, I thought it was you.