Maybe the last time we talked was three years ago, before I started college. Maybe the last we saw each other was just weeks ago before everything got worse and my life made a huge turn. Maybe the last time we hung out was just last night before I felt the need to tell everyone that I have changed and I can’t do anything about it because I’m doing great.
“Change is inevitable.” “People change.” “Everything changes.”
Just some things that I’ve been hearing ever since I was opened to the great disappointments in life. And I just can’t stop thinking about it. These has been my mantra every time people who are important to me would make me feel down just because they didn’t meet my personal expectations—that they will stay the same.
And maybe that’s just what happened to me.
Even when I was in high school, I remember my ex-best friend leaving me because I did something unusual and something new. I changed. She left me.
And now, people I knew before are becoming distant ever since I did something new for myself. I have this scary feeling that people know that I changed deep inside their thoughts without even having the need to tell them about it. I suddenly feel like an open book. I suddenly feel like people know so much about me more than I know myself.
But I just want to tell you that I am not sorry.
I am not sorry that I changed, I am not sorry that I am proud of what I am right now, I am not sorry that I needed to change myself.
Maybe it’s the maturity or maybe it’s the environment but regardless of what the reason of my transformation is, right now, I can tell you that I accept whatever I am. I accept that I am sad and happy and doesn’t know how to control my anxiety. I accept that I tend to over react to things or I would not care at all, nothing in between. I accept that I do things that no one from my past life would think I would do.