Just like every dreamer, I also dream big. And it gets bigger and bigger as I slowly accomplish every single goal I had. I sometimes get tired but fuck it, I want to dream.
Yesterday was another one of those this-will-settle-my-future kind of days. Sobrang nakaka-pressure, as a dancer. Yung gusto mong mag-excel in every possible way. Yung gusto mo mapatunayan that you improved despite being in vacation for two months, kasi shit lang nawala lahat yung conditioning dahil sa pag-binge watch ng mga series at pag-kain kapag hindi ka nag-bibinge watch ng isang series. Pero wala naman kasing masarap mangarap, diba?
I tried to be positive kasi yun talaga gusto ko. I didn’t want my negative side to take me when these kind of days come, kasi baka kainin lang ako ng mga thoughts na yun.
Sobrang helpful yung presence ng mga kapwa kong dancer. Akala ko kasi talaga tinatamad na ako sumayaw kahit sobrang mahal na mahal kong sumayaw just because akala ko no one appreciates me. But these people helped me in some way and I’m thankful for them. Bonus na lang yung andun din yung crush ko so, hehehehehe. (Landi.)
And then that moment came.
Just like any other moments like that, para bang dumaan lang. Para bang nawala ako sa sarili (lol maybe this caused those missed steps I did *cry*). Parang sobrang bilis nung nangyari I can’t remember a thing. ‘Di ko maalala kung ano bang pinag-gagawa ko–tama ba yung steps? Shet, maayos ba yung facials ko? Those kind of questions.
Pero just like any other days like this, afterwards ako kinain ng negative thoughts ko. I was like, shit, I did something wrong. Minus yun. Shit, ang kalat ko ata. Puta, minus nanaman. No, I don’t want to be stuck in my current position. Those kinds of things.
But I love dancing as much as I love him. Charot.
I love dancing. But I don’t know if the results of this will affect my perception to the said passion. Hopefully, not because dancing is my theraphy. ‘Di ko ata kakayanin kung nawala sa sistema ko yung training araw-araw. Yung pagod. Yung saya. Yung free ka gumalaw kahit madaming techincalities na kailangan matandaan.