If I were to be honest really, I did not expect to be still living up until now. I did not expect to be still here in this world for my eighteenth year. Because considering all the circumstances where in death was already near me, there was a lot. I’m not saying this because I would’ve wanted to die already, but I’m saying this because I’m thankful to have lived a great eighteen years already.
Turning eighteen means that I’m already an adult. It means I should be acting like one and be lady-like. It means I should be independent and be mature. It means I can already do things on my own without the permission of my parents (I doubt that). It means my life is already in my own hands. No one told me this, it just happens that this is what tuning eighteen means based on the social norms in the society we’re living in.
For me, turning eighteen is just like any other birthdays. I really have no formal debut and all that girly stuff because I just really wanted to spend it with my family and friends. That’s one thing that I learned in those seventeen years: I’m that kind of person who puts other people’s happiness first. And that’s where what I lack about comes in. I lack that appreciation of myself. I lack having to think about myself first because I would often think about others first.
Unfortunately, I learned it the hard way.
For a just a turning eighteen girl, I’ve experienced a lot of emotions already. Happiness, sadness, madness, rage. It’s a lot to take in. But the good news is here is that I survived it all. Despite how hard it was, despite how challenging every decision was, and despite how people would react on which path I would choose.
So to celebrate my turning eighteen here in my blog, let me point out eighteen points that I learned in life:
- Nothing is permanent in this life we live in. The only thing permanent is you—your existence in this world and it’s all up to you if you will be gone after fourteen years or to live maybe up until your twenties. It’s all up to you.
- Do not expect that people will always have your back. At one point in your life, they will leave and is on other peoples back just like that. So to save yourself the hurt, remember to be there for yourself first before being there for other people.
- That best friend you thought will be there for the rest of your life will not be there after a few years. Surprisingly, that friend who you didn’t got along with for a lot of years, that friend who was really hard to understand, or that friend who you judged and has judged you, they’re the ones who will stay. Keep those friends.
- Being in love sucks.
- Killing yourself is not as easy as when you think about it.
- Do not strip into your vulnerability to people who doesn’t care at all. You’ll regret it.
- Luv u is for happy moments. Love you is for people you really care about. I love you’s are for those people who you are thankful that they’re in your life. Well, it’s for those you really love.
- Listening to bands help a lot.
- Cry it all out.
- People who you can talk to about your problems and rants are important. But remember to not tell it to every people just because you want to. Those rare moments of vulnerability are only for those people who really care about you and at the same time you care about.
- Don’t trust people so easily. Even though people might tell you to go and take a risk. Believe me, it takes time to finally realize who the people you really want to trust are.
- At least once in your life: be spontaneous!
- Writing either relaxes you or triggers your emotions more. But nevertheless, just write. It helps.
- Self-confidence is different from self-esteem. Some people may have a high self-confidence but has a low self-esteem.
- It’s okay to have a small number of friends.
- It’s totally okay to be alone sometimes. You need those moments where in you can think and reflect on your life.
- Loneliness can kill you.
- Just keep on living until you can…or you can just give up. When it’s hard enough for you to take in, give up and let go. It’s okay. But I can’t assure you that it will be okay.