Recently, I’ve been crossing paths with a certain person that I probably have hurt for rejecting him and not actually talking to him about what happened. I can honestly say that I still do feel guilty because who would not? But it’s been three weeks and it’s about time to accept the fact that there will be nothing more. And, I guess, he hasn’t accepted that fact yet. From my recent encounters with him, he wouldn’t look at me, he wouldn’t even talk to me. I tried to—through text—in a casual way, but no I didn’t continue it just because the guilt in me keeps increasing knowing that I feel like he’s still not over it.
Just so you know, because of this I feel like my image totally became trash. I feel like the people I’m close to back then wouldn’t see me the same way as he sees me right now just because of that. I feel like those people already hate me just because I did something to their friend. I hate feeling this way. I hate feeling like I need to blame myself all the time. I hate feeling like it’s all my fault. I hate feeling like there’s something I need to do to make everything right and that something would be to put my ego down. But I’ve already made my decision of not taking a chance on him and I have stuck on that decision since the first day—literally, the first day of classes.
But just like how all people see this situation, I’m not here to please everyone. I’m not here to follow what we planned for a month. I’m not here to stick with the promises I made. Yes, I’m probably here to break the promises I made just because I was overwhelmed with what was happening back then. I’m that person who makes decision spontaneously based on my emotions in that moment. And I’m really sorry for being that person. Oh wait, no. I’m not sorry. That’s one thing I learned for the past months: to not be sorry for whatever decision you made. Don’t feel sorry for yourself, when really it was neither of you or anyone’s fault.